The Unfortunate Events of Steph's Life the Last Day in March

I woke up this morning with Jill putting a pillow on top of me to block the light that she was about to turn on.  Some would be mad at this unselfish/selfish act, but I was not.  I took a shower which someone turned on water when I was rinsing my conditioner out, for most Americans this would be no big deal but since the city of Crystal was established in 1750 and haven't changed the pipes since then that means that I have NO water pressure.  So throughout today I've been scratching my head with dried conditioner chunks flying everywhere.  I was in a hurry to work so of course I forgot my jacket and threw on Karen's black Crocs only because I was to lazy or to much in a rush to slip on my tennis shoes, to only find out when turning on the radio that we were supposed to get 10 inches of snow.  I get to the house where I nanny at only to find that the mother worried because the baby hasn't gone number 2 for 2 days.  Just my luck, he pooped in the 5 hours I was there.  Lucky me, what are the odds?  Did it look and smell like he hasn't gone number 2 for 2 days?  Yes.  The day was fine and the baby was adorable other then that one time, but I come outside to find Aretha (My car) (PS I just did spell check for the word Aretha and it came up Urethra...go figure) covered in this so called "moisture" by our local meteorologist.  It was 6 inches already, how did I know 6?  Because my feet were sinking in it, with the white slosh seeping through those blasted holes in the tops of the Crocs. There I was, clearing off 6 inches from my baby onto the ground making it 12 inches on my feet.  I get in the car with wet sock syndrome-frozen wet sock syndrome, driving home battling the right speed for the windshield wipers and snowfall, never winning.  I get home to find about 1/4 of the driveway covered in snow, which 1/4 do you suppose?  The 1/4th that Aretha parks in so I put her in park at the end of the driveway first thing that happens when I get out of the car...HUGE snowflake lands right in my eye instantly burning my eye so I can't see, I try the garage code which doesn't work surprise surprise go in to the house only to hear a "hi" in the most monotone frustrated tone my mom could come up with because the phone has been ringing off the hook.  I go straight to the garage, open it up, shovel snow which is heavier then the bodies at the local morgue.  I come in from shoveling to hear from my mom, "Have you talked to Christy yet today?" No, why?  "She has had the worst day today..."  I'm thinking to myself replaying everything that went wrong today in my head with my eye still bothering me from that gigantic white beast attacking it 10 minutes ago. and she said "Matthew had a root canal so she had to take Henry to class with her and she couldn't find a brush so she brushed her hair with a fork, then went and parked in visitor parking and the guard said, you're visiting?  And she said I am today with my child and he let her through, bless his Utah born heart.  So even though you think you've had a bad day, you haven't unless you've brushed your hair with a fork.  So Christy I say to you, chin up and walk tall you're a daughter of God.

Just Jill...

So Easter isn't the same in the Sessions house anymore.  It's more of mom and dad saying, here's some money go buy your own Easter candy at Target.  Which is great and all you'd think we'd have the brains to just pocket the money, but as tradition calls and our fond childish memories running through our head we decided to get the candy.  My parents wanted us to pick up a few more things at Target, but we went with Jill and we didn't have a time limit and when we don't have a time limit and when Jill is with us, it drags on for hours.  First stop of course the Target "Hot Spot" we spent about 5 min there looking at all of the trinkets that were made in China then we moved on to our list.  Jill spent an extra 10 minutes in the Hot Spot picking up anything she could get her hands on and inspecting it, until she eventually has A. either touched everything or B. realizes that when she wants to show someone something she's found, no ones there.  We are clear on the other side of the store, she eventually ends up finding us, after she is done smelling all of the shampoo's or testing all the lotions.  Eventually we get out of there by force and because she couldn't find the little gum ball easter eggs that we had as children, and she was disappointed because she just now realized that they stopped making them, when they actually got discontinued in the 80's.  Sometimes Jill's phone which doubles as an MP3 player goes off at random times.  It went off in the car and Karen was confused because she didn't have the radio on and I was like Jill it's your phone!  And she's like I didn't think I had Irish music on it (It was Josh Grobans "You Raise Me Up") then she said, "Usually it's Kelly Clarkston" and I said "did you just say Kelly ClarkSTON?"  she replied yeah and I said "Youu widiot it's Kelly Clarkson!"  And she said "Oh, I've been calling her Kelly Clarkston this whole time!"  We got home, helped mamma Sesh prepare Easter dinner and eventually went to bed.  The next day we got up, made homeade rolls that Jill covered with flour, which she later found on her ankle during Sacrament Meeting.  After church we ate, and had an Easter Egg Hunt that took every ounce of energy to get my parents to do.  Jill of course cheated by "being on the computer" when really she was checking out all of the hiding places of the eggs, we tried to give her an 8 egg penelty which didn't work, because she's mamma Sesh's new favorite because she listens to Carpenters with her and bought her matching Easter socks.  (makes me sick...)  Anyway so during the time we had to sit around and talk with our Easter baskets (I had a Tonka truck one, which held more candy, but later I found out it was Clarks old one I felt as if I was just an old rag mom had just thrown in the laundry, but threw it too hard and fell behind the washer instead of in it) Jill picked up a peice of Easter grass and started to floss her teeth with it.  We decided later that we were just going to take pictures of everything Jill has ever flossed her teeth with, or will in the future and make a collage and put it as a calender of just Jill.  Also that she would be offering Tracy some meat and trying to sell it to her, even though she knows she doesn't eat meat.  And Jill saw the new cool whip that comes out like reddiwhip and wanted to try it so grabbed a banana and the cool whip and then I said also on the calender we can do suggested meals by Jill! And Tracy said "did you just say suggestive meals?" and EVERYONE at the table started busted up laughing even Jill, after my eyes got into some focus from crying I could still tell that Jill was just laughing because everyone else was and so once Karen caught her breath she said the miscomunication again and we all were crying laughing and Jill still was just laughing because everyone else was, and then I looked up at her 20 seconds later and she finally understood what we were talking about and her jaw dropped and she turned BRIGHT red and then Papa Sesh just came in the room and Jill was sitting there red laughing with the banana in one hand and the cool whip in the other and everyone else was laughing and wanted to know what was so funny, and Jill tried to hid the things in her hands and Mamma Sesh had to come up with some half lie so he wouldn't roll his eyes and leave the room. It's moments like these that I'm so grateful I haven't left her side for more then 2 weeks in our year and a half friendship.  Jilly on behalf of everyone, Thank you for being you.  :)

Saturdays with the Sessions

So last night we had all who dared come over from the Singles Ward here in Minnesota. It was a perfect night for a bon fire. I'm not gonna lie, there were some interesting groups that arrived, but having scapegoats such as Game Cube and a kid splitting his finger open and people arguing that he should go to the hospital before he has to start waving the number 4 or giving people "4's" distracted some. 11:05 rolled around and my eyes were heavy and BURNING and people were getting hungry, and we had to start the lies of no food in the house. This is all beside the point the last people left around 11:40ish (because Jill and I started to clean up, ya know the usual Can I Take This? Are You Finished With That? Even if it was only 1/2 gone and on it's way up to their mouth.) Anyway so we begged Katie our friend to sleep over. Papa and Mama Sesh surprised us by saying ok no one is waking up until 9:30am ok that was mama Sesh and Papa Sesh said try 8am then Katie was already trying to think of some excuse to drive home and being able to sleep in then stay here. Anyway so we decided 9:15am. Well the next morning the typical Saturday morning. One of us (it was me in this case) woke up around 8 and woke everyone else up, well not really but sort of, then I hear Papa Sesh whistling some hymn he has stuck in his head from waking up at 4am watching old General Conference talks online. He makes crepes for us all, teaching Katie how to get the batter just right and when to add in the melted butter for perfection. Anyway so during breakfast dad tells his usual jokes and he's the one laughing so hard at it, and we are laughing mainly because he's laughing at his own jokes. After breakfast we help someone move into their new apartment so we decide we need some help so we wake up Todd at about 10 oclock and he hates us, but we stay out to about 1:30 deciding if we want to order pizza, but after getting transferred twice we decided to not order pizza and the lady hung up on me. So Todd Jill and I run to the mall, drop Todd off because his mom called about 5 times to get him home to do some more chores around the house. Jill and I don't shower until around 4:30 then we get ready (meaning getting in clean sweatshirt and sweatpants) and run to the mall again to get unnecessary things. Tonight though we were moving things back into Celests (a girl that use to live with us) room because she just moved out and so Jill is on the computer because she's had enough, mom is dusting anything she can get her hands on and dad is up in my room with his drill trying to fix my blinds because just the other day I was trying to "draw the blinds" and they just totally collapsed, so I obviously stepped on them twice in anger, and while everyone was doing there thing I was anxiously waiting my toast to pop up until I hear a huge THUD THUD THUD THUD and I heard things spill, so my heart literally stops, I run to the stairs and its my dad, sitting on the stairs in the same position he fell down 4 steps with nails and screws EVERYWHERE around him. So my mom is like JEFFRY are you alright? And he's like Yep, just wanted some attention and I didn't know how to get it any other way. It was hilarious, so moral of THIS blog, If you want attention, You need pain.

PS Karen that was Jill that made a comment about my own blog, I'm not that big of a loser, ok I kinda am but I swear it was her!

Walking With The Ladies...

Last night as most nights start out, my father calls to have family prayer in the most inconvenient times for everyone else in the house, either Karen has already gone up to her room to watch her DVR'ed shows or my mom is playing an intense game of Boggle on the computer. We usually tell what we are going to do the following day, my mother announced that she is "Going walking with the Ladies" my ears perked up because I knew that "walking with the ladies" is her way of exercising while gossiping, a form of multi tasking. I told her I wanted to come along and she was pleased. Karen and Jill woke up about an hour before I left and I always have the half awake half asleep hour I have to dream or just lay there crabby at them for turning on the light. In that state this morning I was exhausted so I fell back to sleep dreaming of 3 dogs (I don't know why 3 but there were and I'm tellin it how it is) that had about 6 puppies and the 3 dogs were the parents, I don't know how but it was that and they were small and short haired and so I was excited because I knew that my mom doesn't like A. Big dogs or B. long hair. Then I woke up. Anyway so I got ready and we drove to the usual spot to meet the Ladies and we started to walk and talk and knowing exactly what I was getting myself into I decided to shut up and walk quietly knowing I would get some sort of dirt. This only lasted for about 5 min before my mom being the "saint" that she is said Stephanie you haven't said anything tell them about Mexico. I tried to keep it sweet and to the point so I could go back to Plan A. No such luck. They wanted to know about China and school, as if they have been planning this attack on me to get information from me. Anyway of course they won, until the end. We eventually started talking about how corrupt the world is and this is where only some of the gossip I've been wanting to come into play. They told a story of a guy that was in Colombia and was a member of our church, he was in the back of a car and someone was driving him, eventually, the driver stopped the car (Why did he stop? I'm still trying to figure this out) some men pulled out the driver, shot him to death, got in the car asked if he spoke Spanish, he did but didn't claim that he did then after 3 hours of being drivin around they pushed him out of the car and he was only 1 mile from his house, so he walked home. Now this is the stuff I get up at 7am for. The dirt. Moral of this new blog, Take sacrifices for dirt.